S&T46 Festively Offensive!

Episode 46 wishes a Happy Birthday to Susan Lucci, Eddie Vedder, and Corey Haim.

Jeremy has spoken. Chrima Eve tradition. Family phone calls. Cookie Party '09! Talking to the cat! Rants about old people. Derek ruins a surprise. Chrima television shows. We are not a political show! Dedication to my sister.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all!

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S&T45 Bugs and Boxes!

Episode 45 wishes a Happy Birthday to Eugene Levi, Duff Goldman, and Milla Jovovich...and Bill Pullman.

Chrima birthdays. Chrima breakdown. Push it! Chrima newsletters! #8 breakdown. Marital bliss shows its ugly head. Why do I have a crock pot box? We do not have bugs! Shoe boxes are good! I didn't delete it! Long distance dedication.



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S&T44 Three Thumbs Up

Episode 44 wishes a Happy Birthday to Susan Dey, Bobby Flay, and Derek!

What does Derek and David Carradine have in common? 30 is old. Rice Crispies' cake. Super Mario is hard! Stories from Ye Auld Scotland. Nosey Mom. Thanks for the plugs! Sorry Granda!

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S&T43 Brune Chicken Brune Coo

Episode 43 wishes a Happy Birthday Andy Williams, Ozzy Osborne, and Scotty the Little Aussie Battler.

It's the most wonderful time of the year! 125 a day. Facebook stalking. Thanksgiving. Beloved Casina. Top Ramen follows me on twitter. Quantity, not quality. Sorry Jesus! Old people shouldn't tongue in public. Say brown! Simple Derek. James Lipton time.

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S&T42 Penis, HELLO!

Episode 42 wishes a Happy Birthday to Dick Cavett, Ted Turner, and Larry King!

They both breath. S & T is a year old! Dinner with Miss Wes, Tim Corrimal, and Ron Prada Soho! Check our the group recording we did at There are Some Who Call Me Tim. A new job for Ramble Redhead? Derek isn't the only one getting abused. Email us your address for Christmas cards! There are some who think I'm Irish. Vote for Big Fatty Online at podcastawards.com! You can vote once a day through the end of November!

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S&T41 Gimmie the List!

Episode 41 wishes a Happy Birthday to Bryan Adams, Art Garfunkel, and Kevin Jonas!

Everything I Do, I Do it For You. The Douchebags and the Ghost Hunters. We Like To Git R Dun At Our House. Pop a Pig. Bob Dole. School days. Lasist! That was a nice dinner. Aunt Marcia. Derek's mum saw a ghost! Ding Ding Ding! Thanks Teri for the Spanish junk and stuff!

Thanks to TWSS for the extended intro!

Next week is Stars & Tartan's one year anniversary!

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S&T40 Did You Give Her a Derek Sandwich?

Episode 40 wishes a happy birthday to Richard Dreyfuss, Kate Jackson, and Winona Ryder!

She's 38?! This is it! No more death this year! Johnny 5 alive! Go check out NormaJeans6thtoe on youtube! There were no azzes backing up! Mr. G! Braceface!

Thanks to The Gravitas for the intro!

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S&T39 Back Dat Azz Up

Episode 39 wishes a Happy Birthday to Brian Boitano, Curly Howard, and Christopher Lloyd!

1.21 Gigawatts (not seven nessa)! Monopoly Nerds. Ghost Lab and Nessa does not watch the scary movies. Thank you so much Joe from Dallas for the package (honk!) and Walt for the Christmas bliss! Skydiving has been cancelled.

Thanks Kevin for the intro!

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S&T38 Acrotomophilia or Nubby Fuckers

Episode 38 wishes a Happy Birthday to Richard Carpenter, Vanessa Marcil, and Penny Marshall!

We are lazy. You're a liar! Super fast run down of Disney. Babysitting. Weirdca.com. Christmas planning, yes it's only October. Voicemails lead to Derek making himself laugh so hard he chokes.


Thanks Scotty for the intro!


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S&T37 A Sea of Red Shirts

In this episode, Derek and Nessa recorded random messages on the iPhone and put it together as a show. We had a blast and will talk more in depth about our trip next week.

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S&T36 I'm Not Beating Off!

Episode 36 wishes a happy birthday to Jim Henson, Linda McCartney, and Phil Hartman. Too soon!

Jay Leno's new (old) show. Follow PeeWee on Twitter @PeeweeHerman. Paul has a nubby fetish. Derek makes up a Christmas tradition. Derek makes crazy birthday plans. Disney is a next week! Derek was in the shower and made himself proud. We love Glee! Morphing Bush through the decades. Eww cooties! Surprising Grandfather Johnston. I said female vagina hahaha!

Trucker Alex's application recommendation <---click there.

Thank you Bob (Daniel) for the intro!

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S&T35 A Hoodie For Your Goodie

Episode 35 wishes a Happy Birthday to Roddy McDowall, Anne Bancroft, and John Ritter!

Come and knock on our door! Water! Work fun with Derek. Car accidents and allergic reactions. Nessa's first crush. Adventures in babysitting. Sorry Ricky!

Thanks Matt from SpankingBeaArthur for the intro!

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S&T34 Get Te' F uck

Episode 34 wishes a happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, Jose Feliciano, and Ryan Phillippe!

Sorry we were away, there was a death in the Stars & Tartan household. New video games. I want cheese and lettuce on my sandwich, and a coffee! Nessa got her hair did, pictures are a maybe. Marital Bliss leaves no winners, just big weenurs! Cunty McLint Trap wears a Yoko Ono glasses and a wig. Take Lost of the air! Kitchen Aid obsession and a Monopoly Nintendo.

So what's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepherd?

Trucker Alex, we miss your emails :)

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Hey, pretty please donate to our pal Izola's run for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!

S&T33 Two Thumbs Up Your Butt and a Hand Job

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S&T32 He Did Not Look Like Sloth!

Episode 32 wishes a Happy Birthday to Isaac Hayes, Connie Chung, and Robert Plant.

I know! He face-surfed down the asphalt. How do they stay up there? Blame Cash for Clunkers, Glenn Beck, and changing addresses for the lack of show. Do not try to educate me, this is not a political show! Nessa was grooming herself to be a hobo. Derek needs to clean the inside of the toilet and Nessa needs to take out the recycling. Peanut butter pickle time!


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S&T31 Gonna Shear You Like a Sheep

Episode 31 wishes a happy birthday to Lucille Ball, Geri Halliwell, and Elliott Smith!

If you wanna be my lover! Weenur! Derek's parents are swingers! Do Nessie a favor and call GEICO at 1-800-841-3000 and give them code 113038. Pretty please! Derek never wins. Casina withdrawls! Nessapedia Brown! Call us with your favorite teacher story! Derek's not very technical! Elliott Smith obsession. Between the Bars at the end!

Thank you Luna for the show's intro!

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Listener Recommendation

Our fabulous listener LaLaLauren from LetstalkaboutLauren.com let us know about a band called The Twilight Sad that are from Scotland. (thetwilightsad.co.uk)

We thought we would forward the recommendation on to you all! You can check out their music at their myspace page. It's a good listen!

S&T30 You Got Miracle Whipped

Episode 30 wishes Janet Reno, Lisa Kudrow, and Laurence Fishburne a Happy Birthday!

Captain Curtis and She-Ra (fuck yeah)! Nessa was never Evil Lynn again. Come to Disneyland on October 3rd and buy Derek a churro! Email us or Wes at liveitupthepodcast@gmail.com if you re coming! Stories from Ye Auld Scotland! Nessa is like Wikipedia! Follow Nessa on Twitter http://twitter.com/MissMisery to see the senior picture. It's simple economics baby!

Thanks Melanie for the intro!

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S&T29 Retardation & Masturbation

Episode 29 Wishes a Happy Birthday to Bury Convey, Marlon Wayans, and Daniel Radcliffe.

Derek and Daniel could be twinzies! Nessa is a little loopy from nap time. Congrats Ricky! It wasn't water, it was water based. He used Flo from Progressive! Marital bliss cause Derek's a liar and Nessa is a naggy bitch! Maybe the babies aren't her's. Stories from Ye Auld Scotland. Weenur for Auntie Vera and Gooch!


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S&T28 Yeah, Shove It Up My Ass

Episode 28 wishes a Happy Birthday to Ginger Rogers, Michael Flatley, and Will Ferrell!

Is Chad Smith and Will Ferrell the same person? Marital bliss and car trouble. While I was editing this show, I found a drop of Derek's masturbatory lube on my computra. Paypal and bank account update. I just want to play Sims 3!



Thanks for the intro DQ Rick!



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Hey, pretty please donate to our pal Izola's run for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!

S&T27 Pride 48!

Derek and I were very proud to be participants in the 48 hours of live shows during the 26th, 27th, and 28th at pride48.com. This is the majority of the show that we did on Friday night. The first 15 minutes were missing because I was drunk and forgot to hit record. We will be back next week with our regular audio show.

Special thanks to Phreddy for the intro!



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S&T26 The Branch of Our Family Tree is Poison

Episode 26 wishes Paul McCartney, Isabella Rossellini, and Nathan Morris a Happy Birthday!

Walking across America, winning big, a new family member, & why Derek may be a little weird!

Hey, pretty please donate to our pal Izola's run for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!

The contest is still going on! Email your MP3 or call our voicemail line and say:

Hi, my name is (your name here), and you're listening to Stars & Tartan!

You can win a $25 gift card from Amazon.com!
Winner will be announced during our stream on pride48.com at 10pm PST on June 26th!

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S&T25 Earwax and Coffee Machines

Episode 25 wishes a Happy Birthday to Vince Lombardi, Jacques Cousteau, and Gene Wilder! (With a special shout out to Anne Frank)

Q-Tips are your friends. Thanks to DQYDJ and Mandie for pressies! Derek and his coffee woes!

Hey, pretty please donate to our pal Izola's run for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!

The contest is still going on! Email of your MP3 or call our voicemail line and say:
Hi, my name is (your name here), and you're listening to Stars & Tartan!
You can win a $25 gift card from Amazon.com!

Winner will be announced during our stream on pride48.com, time TBA!

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S&T24 We Popped Our Vegas Cherry

Episode 24 wishes a Happy Birthday to Michelle Phillips, Bruce Dern, and Angelina Jolie!

Sorry we were gone so long! We had visitors! Viva Las Vegas! Birthday thanks! Hey, pretty please donate to our pal Izola's run for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!

A new contest, Hurrah! Email of your MP3 or call our voicemail line and say:

Hi, my name is (your name here), and you're listening to Stars & Tartan!

You can win a $25 gift card from Amazon.com!

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youtube is the best

Gotta love the Japanese!

S&T23 I Peed My Pants

Episode 23 wishes Happy Birthday to Jack Bruce, Tim Roth, and Miranda Cosgrove!
Bad mood Nessa! Excited for the upcoming Vegas trip and Ladies Night! Sonics and their line can suck it! Phreddy is like Guy Fieri, but better looking!

Tales of high school days! Dog food and hotdogs! Mighty dog might dog hehehe!

Every donation counts no matter how "small" you think it is.

A new contest, Hurrah! Email of your MP3 or call our voicemail line and say:
Hi, my name is (your name here), and you're listening to Stars & Tartan!
You can win a $25 gift card from Amazon.com!

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S&T22 You're a Poor Excuse For a Gangsta

Episode 22 wishes Happy Birthday to Gabby Hayes, Teresa Brewer, and Auntie Vera Charles!

You get 50% in California. Catching up with the Johnstons! Is swoll a word? Eye trouble, Bank Fees, Nessa's responsible addiction. Tales of Ye Auld Scotland. Keep an eye on the website for a new poll!

Bjorn's waffles:

1 egg

1 cup milk

8 ounces sour cream

1 tablespoon butter, melted

2 cups baking mix (bisquick, etc.)

8 strips bacon, cooked and crumbled

1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese

Combine egg, milk, sour cream and butter; mix until well blended. Fold in bacon and cheese. Bake in preheated waffle iron according to manufacturer's directions until golden brown.
tastes great with a side of bacon. maple syrup at your leisure.

A new contest, Hurrah! Email of your MP3 or call our voicemail line and say:

Hi, my name is (your name here), and you're listening to Stars & Tartan!

You can win a $25 gift card from Amazon.com!

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We have the medicine!

Steve in the UK was nice enought to send this to Derek and I. No swine flu worries now :)

S&TV6 Dancing Queen

After the vote, you decided that Derek would bless your ears with this melody. And by bless, I mean make them bleed.

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S&T21 Panties For Sale or Taco for Tacos

Episode 21 wishes a happy birthday to Shirley Temple and Roy Orbison!

Derek's singing cast, sorry! Derek is angry at Susan Boyle and her eyebrows!

Derek shares a story about a co-worker and what a letter of recommendation should be!

New poll coming soon (thisiswhyyourefat.com)! Thanks for the vidjo ideas!

Do Mexicans have castles? DQYDJ is not the same as PNS!

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S&T20 Strokeface, I deleted your porn!

Episode 20 wishes a happy birthday Kareem Abdul Jabar and Charlie Chaplin!
Derek has stroke face! No GAS! Sorry about not having a show last week, thanks for all the comments! Trouble with the internet and Nessa teaches Derek a lesson! We know the mechanics, sorry Ricky! Story from Ye Auld Scotland! Derek's a big puss when he's drunk. Playing truth or dare via AOL. Christian doesn't listen. Call with your ideas for Derek vidjos!

You can watch the neat Stand By Me video here!

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No show today

Hey everyone,

Nessa is under the weather today, so we won't be recording today. We will try to record this weekend.

Thanks to all who listen!

Derek & Nessa

S&T19 I Caulk Well In the Bathroom

Episode 19 wishes Marvin Gay and Hans Christian Andersen a Happy Birthday!

Thank you wikipedia! What is a nonreciprocating man? Sorry Christian!

Nessa is ugly and we're surprised Derek graduated! Derek's looking for a daddy!

More Derek plumbing issues! Vote for Derek's scareoke video at the web site!

Sorry about the technical issues last week! Only with the A never the R!


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S&T18 The Douchbags with Glasses

Episode 18 wishes Spock a very happy birthday!

Where is Kazitstan? Ding ding fever in full effect.

100% votes for more Scareoke! Vote for the song Derek should sing at starsandtartan.com!

A short story from Ye Auld Scotland and we don't live in a safe neighborhood, sorry Wes!

And we end with Derek's plumbing skills in the ghetto!

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S&T17 Did You Plug It In?

Episode 17, we're back ya'll and junk! Happy Birthday Wyatt Earp! Should we continue Derek's Scareoke Videos? Submit your vote at starsandtartan.com! Derek the "cable guy!" Paula Deen's hands in HD! Nightmares, nightmares! Derek gets lost, but oh, he didn't go down there! Thank you California! Vegas is booked! Check out Little Aussie Battler, Fucking Nerds Anonymous, & Steve In the UK OK! Thanks Joe for the tip! HONK!

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Green Cross Code

A brilliant video passed on to us from Steve in the UK!



He called them crackers...Racist!

S&TV5 What's New Pussy Cat

Instead of an audio show this week, here is another video. Here is Derek singing the winner of our listener poll! With 50% of the vote, we give you Tom Jones!

We will be back next week with our regular show!

S&TV4 Marmite with Pasta

After tracking down the marmite and having time to record it, Derek braves a big old bite of pasta, butter, & Marmite. If you have a food challenge for Derek, email us at starsandtartan@gmail.com or leave us a comment!

S&T16 Beatles on Bagpipes

Episode 16 is timestamped!

Derek takes 42 in the livingroom and Nessa takes 27 in the bedroom.

Lunch with an old pal, Living with Baby's daddy, and why we will never have another roommate.

We finally got the marmite vidjo recorded, look for it on monday! Don't forget Daylight Savings Time!



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S&T15 We'll Make Some S'mores Man!

Episode 15 has the munchies man!

Derek's boss is a nozzle, brunch with the bluehairs, and Nessa's in a band!

Scratchy balls, He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, and stories from Ye Auld Scotland!

Voicemails, Quick American Idol, and does he have a Jonas ring?

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S&T14 And the Winner is!

Episode 14, take two!
Quick rundown of our Thursday, Hello Kitty, and MAC Cosmetics.
Nessa was caught stealing once, well maybe twice.
Who won an Amazon or iTunes Gift Card?!?! Listen to find out if it was you!
A huge thank you to everyone for supporting us, you all are awesome!

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Do You Punch Your Mother With That Mouth?

Thanks Steve from the UK for sending this our way!

S&T13 Burning Down the House

Episode thirteen and Friday the thirteenth in the same week...spooky!

Nessa is walking on sunshine, obsession, & Guitar Hero.

Stories of Derek as a wee boy, cartoons, & American Idol picks.

Don't forget to leave us a four or five star review to be entered into our contest!
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S&T12 Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick

Episode 12 starts off in 2008?

We're rich bitch! Nessa drank the Kool-Aid & Derek finally got his playstation.

Old school video games & cell phones of old times. Yeah, we geeked out hardcore.

Nessa's a girl, Sorry Ricky, & singing with Derek.

Stetson & sweat pants, Sorry Christian's mom, & why Nessa doesn't camp.

Don't forget to leave us a four or five star review to be entered into our contest!

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S&T11 We Like it Bushy

Episode 11 is a sleepy cast!

Nessa is a wicked witch, NFN Nick your video is a'coming!

Last Chance Harvey, Toilet humor, Sex on Fire, Sorry Ricky!

Derek is a victim, American Idol is the best show ever Bjorn!

Story from Ye Old Scotland!

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S&T10 Tim Allen Tool Box Oh Oh Oh!

Episode 10 with the overbearing Nessa and that guy you can't understand!

Derek's vacation, Nessa's headache, fugly friends, good-bye Grissom, and Top Chef

Story from Nessa's past, thanks again to The Sleep!, Viva Viagra, and Refresh!

Don't forget to leave us a four or five star review to be entered into our contest!

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